Dig It

What Can I Say But I’m Working On it!

That is a line from a card created by Pondering Pool*, a lovely woman in Tucson. It stays with me because “working on it” seems to be a constant.

There are times I am grateful for my dogged determination to find new things to work on. (Side note: I do not have to look very hard, the universe is always happy to keep things in the line-up). Then there are the days in which I foolishly think I would like to not look at, find or work on anything.  It is not easy or comfortable to continuously excavate the chambers of me. At times it is exhausting. Not working on me is also not an option because I know that within me lies the answers to so many questions, fears, hurts, perceived loss, and discovery.

What do I hope to unearth? Sometimes I know because I immediately slap on my miner’s helmet when something triggers a reaction I find unusual, over the top or odd. Other times, I stumble upon the “ah ah” moment and can sit with the information to allow it to permeate my psyche and heal my soul.  Humans, their reactions, and behaviors fascinate me.

I find the fascination to be far less intrusive than the years I spent being surprised, affronted, and confused by the actions of my fellow earth campers. The depth and breadth of human behavior is astounding. We are a creative lot with the ability to conjure all sorts of stories about our lives, the failings of others, the lack we find whether with ourselves or “them.”  Had we only realized our storytelling ability when we were in school and had to write a story it would have changed the whole educational angst.

Sitting with “no one is doing it to you” is a great exercise.  It is such a great go-to, that we are at effect rather than creation. This is not to say that people are not constantly attempting to get their way and their say and their scenario to be the lead story, but in actuality they may not be doing it to you, but simply trying to hold the line on their hopes and dreams.  It can appear that they are trying to ruin yours, and in their minds that might be their story, but the less personally we take other meat puppets, the easier our lives can be. We might not get the outcome we have in our minds, but the results do not necessarily have to be as catastrophic as we imagine.

The more I work on myself, the less I allow for outside influences to color my view of the world. Winning and losing or being right lessens and I find I can more seamlessly slip forward in life leaving the past behind.  It requires introspection and trust which are in short supply for many of us. That is why I continue to keep working on it.

I trust that the journey is worth it, and I will perfect the interior decoration of me.

*(Art by Susan Mrosek, cards available from www.ponderingpool.com)