Open the Door
I have been sharing my experience of the past six or seven months with a variety of people. What has been most fascinating is their identifying so strongly with what I have been feeling. That tells me something is up in the universe.
It has been a bit of a struggle to find the right word to convey that feeling. The word that seems the most encompassing is “lonely,” but the trouble with that is many people default to the standard meaning of loneliness or feeling alone. I am not in the least lonely. My life is a blessing of people who love and get me. My world is truly worldwide, and I can always find someone at the end of a phone should I so desire.
The “lonely” I have been experiencing is a feeling of emptiness inside. Again, no cause for alarm. Not the emptiness that causes depression or thoughts of self-harm, but rather the feeling that everything has changed and yet there is no physical proof of that. If I look around, my scenery is still the same, but I am different.
It has felt like I am searching for something yet unknown. A transitory state that I know was necessary to move me on to the next adventures. It was never sad or scary. The good news is that it is all a part of the journey and as the name of this website points out, I have been journeying and laughing towards enlightenment for a good long time. I might say all my life.
Things intensified in April and May. At times it felt as though I was being squeezed through a very small space. Turns out that was true. Having recently burst through the door to the other side, life is much bigger, brighter and more fascinating. (How could that even be possible?).
The new space is still unfamiliar and yet feels like home. A home that is fully mine to do with as I please. To decorate as I choose. To share as I see fit. It has been an energetic shift that allows me to breathe a bit easier. The world looks the same and completely new and different.
To quote the adage, old habits do die hard and finding my balance will take a bit more time. I need to familiarize myself with the new surroundings and get the lay of the land. Easing into my new design style will be an exciting and creative journey. Educating many in my orbit will also be a process, but perhaps it will be easy as it is also not my job. Folks can figure out the “new” me or not. Some will notice, but to others it might be invisible and there is always that the chance it will be off-putting. There is no need for me to explain.
Oh well, from where I am sitting it looks pretty good. To any of you out there who may be feeling the same, stay the course. Walk through that door. Enjoy the ride. See you on the other side.
