The Ghost of Christmas Past

I have been ghosted a number of times, but there seems to have been an uptick recently. It is a behavior that puzzles me and yet I have quasi-participated so I cannot really judge.

The reason I did it was a desire not to tell longtime friends just what obnoxious houseguests they had been. It was not only my opinion, but also that of the other residents of this home. Luckily when it occurred, I knew I had at least a year before I heard from them again. I tried not to tell them, but was finally asked to my face what could they have possibly done that I did not want to see them? So, I told them, wished them well and moved on.

So, I get that ghosting can be done with good intentions but is rather a cowardly way out of whatever is going on. My go-to explanation about friendship and misunderstanding is that on any given day I could say or do something in the normal course of interaction that might come ot the wrong way or cause one to take umbrage. The problem is that given my mood, their mood or what is going on in their life of which I am not aware, I might hit a sore point with no intention – good or bad. I do rely on my friends to tell me when I have stepped in it, because I choose to believe that all of them realize it is rarely, if ever, intentional.

The most recent ghostings fascinate. One was more of a ghost sighting in that my direct communication was too much for someone. I was aware that I came out of the gate in a forceful manner, but there was history to support that approach. The other two remain a mystery.  I have played out a number of scenarios for the onset, but none of them, in my book, rise to a haunting level.

I used to care about the ghostings. Spending time on the “why’s” and “what did I do’s” but Heather 2.0 (more like 20.0) has moved on. If someone does not feel they want to talk to me, okay. It is not my job to find out or ask. It has everything to do with them and little or nothing to do with me. That is not meant to sound cold or uncaring or egotistical, it just is the truth. When they feel the need to clear the air, I will be here and happy to listen. If they never do, my life will still be complete.

If you are having feelings about others that match my descriptions, you can take a moment to think about why. Whether you are the ghost or the ghostee, you can do a quick re-evaluation and determine if it is worth the effort to have the conversation. If it is, take a deep breath and do it.  If not, skip on the down the road and file them away in memories.

Happy Holidays.