Under Construction

I recently spoke with a friend that had just experienced a psychedelic moment. Their fears and upset about having only seen darkness and their destruction was powerful, terrifying and real. Overlay that with their shame and judgement and it becomes exponentially vast and dark.

In our discussion about the event, the theme was “I don’t ever want to go back there.” My response was simple – “Then don’t.”

This led us to another path about all the years of shame, judgement, anger and fear they had walled off within themselves. It is a part of being human and living amongst others. Our early programming that gives us right and wrong, good and bad, success and failure. We are all flawed in our own ways if we want to give it a word. All of us have things we can work on and improve. The reason we feel that need, matters more than the doing.

What if we looked at our bodies as an empty builder grade home. Maybe a starter home is a better example. We move in and it seems perfect. Then we start to notice minor flaws and begin the job of renovating. Next other people come over to see the house and begin to make suggestions. This room is too big or not big enough. This is a terrible paint color. Those tiles are outdated. Suddenly a house with which we were content is now not good enough. We begin to wall off areas so that the “visitors” cannot see all of the house.

Depending on how good you are at construction, those walled off areas can last a lifetime. That is great if you are hiding from others, but you are also hiding who you are from others and more importantly think you are hiding you from yourself. Things behind those walls grow larger or start to smell or to mold and rot and soon we are having to do a lot of work late at night or when we are alone to keep it hidden. Or maybe we just decide to do no work and believe that we cannot change our circumstances or beliefs and fears. 

I have mentioned a few times that one of my favorite quotes is, “No matter what you’ve done or haven’t done, you are worthy of love.”* It is true, but it is the ability to love yourself that is the true test. Most are seeking love outside of themselves. Take a bit of time to look within your own “four walls” and start the renovations.

*Dr. John DeMartini