What Is Perfect?

It might be perfect, but it may not be the right thing.

I just finished a conversation that went that way. We often have a picture in our mind of how our life should look. How things should turn out. What would be best for others. It is very hard to let go of the need to control the outcome. Believing we see what is best in each situation.

The theme of this past week has been these things. What to do? Where to go? How to manage it? Who to help? How will it end?

Almost everyone I spoke with had some version of these questions.  Some had all of them.

One message that came through, in a rather loud and pushy way in my head, was “There is no wrong answer. Everything will be as it should.” I was then told that I had to say it out loud to the friend I was with at that moment.  It seemed invasive and abrupt as we were not talking about anything at the time. I did as I was told, and it seemed to hit home even if their expression was a bit startled.

Then tonight in my meditation group, the topic was learning the art of allowing those we love to follow their own path. Fight their own battles. Fail and fall down, if they must, because otherwise they would not know how to rise again on their own.  The visual that came with it was the back of heads surrounding a boxing ring. It was pointed out that when we think we are helping we are often crowded around so that we can be there to lift our loved ones back up or at least cushion their fall. All well intentioned, but it is suffocating energetically. To quote exactly, “You are not leaving room for the miracles to occur because you are too focused on the failure and not on the path.”

All of us are here to figure it out. We are also here to help each other, but that aid can too easily turn into enabling and co-dependence. The message that is sent to those struggling is that they are not capable, we do not trust them and without us they fail. It is not the intention, but it is often the interpretation. Learning where the boundaries are where help turns to hurt is a tough one. It is difficult for all concerned because there is great relief in being swooped up and cared for in those moments of fear and loneliness. 

The art of living is knowing when to enter the fray and when to stay clear.  It is an art for all involved – the rescuers and the rescued. We are all interwoven in the tapestry of life and finding the light and the dark is how we create the masterpiece. Just remember that in all great creations sometimes you need to paint over, remove stitches and rethink the design.